Feedback
Throughout our lives, we all receive input on the success and impact of our actions and attitudes. At school, for example, your report cards, awards, comments on essays, and coaching advice are all forms of feedback. Essentially, feedback is helpful information that is given to someone to say what is working or needs to be improved about a particular action or performance.
Feedback is the primary tool that managers use to help employees understand what they are doing correctly and incorrectly in their jobs. Sometimes, feedback might be quick and verbal. For example, “Shanna, you should not be wearing ripped gloves. Please go change them immediately.” Other times, you will participate in more formal performance evaluations.
Ideally, feedback is not just about what is wrong. Strong managers provide continuous feedback and make sure to include positive feedback as well. For example, “Shanna, great job getting all the orders out during our lunch rush so quickly! I appreciate your hard work.”
Either way, you must be prepared to handle both the praise and the criticism that will come your way. As an employee, you must be able to accept and learn from the feedback that you receive. Your ability to act upon the feedback – by either continuing to perform well or making adjustments to your performance-
will make the difference in your ability to learn and grow.
So how do you do it?
Even with the best intentions behind it, criticism can make us feel defensive. Here are five tips to help you gracefully accept the words meant to make you better, no matter how awful it may feel hearing them.
How to Accept Criticism Gracefully
Listen
The first response most of us have when it comes to even the best intended criticism is to become defensive. A defensive response may show itself as inattention, burning rage or stammering. As much as your chest feels tight and your face reddens, hearing the criticism all the way through may teach you something.
Even the most painful comments can teach us something about ourselves. Shut your mouth, close down your defenses and listen to what they really have to say.
Ask questions
To grow, you want to make sure you fully understand the person criticizing you. You can do this by asking questions. These questions are especially important if the criticism received isn’t particularly clear. By asking these clarifying questions, you’re having a conversation with your critic—this can create cooperation.
Respond
If you don’t agree with the criticism, and you are positive it’s not just your ego in the way, you can tell that criticizer that. Instead of using an angry tone, try responding by saying something like, “I didn’t realize I came across that way. Thanks for sharing your opinion. From my side, it seems like __________.” And then fill in the blank with your real opinion. “From my perspective,” is an incredibly useful phrase to have on the ready.
Accentuate the positive
Your manager is not looking for you to defend yourself, your manager is looking to make sure that you hear what they’re saying—and planning to incorporate that feedback into your future behavior. You’re not on trial. Try to respond by pointing out the positive. Say, “Thanks so much for your feedback, I’ve screwed up this way _____________. How could I look at this better?” At the very least, say something along the lines of, “Thanks for telling me, I want to take some time to think about this.”
Own it
There’s no denying it, it’s tough to hear ways that you’re not perfect. So really absorb the criticism. Feel it all the way to your bones. And then take responsibility for what went wrong. Lots of people don’t own up to their mistakes. They put the blame on someone else and it keeps them from improving. Once you own it, you can get better.
Do you want to be an outstanding success in your career and life? Learn to OWN YOUR CRITICISM.
Write it down
This is an incredibly valuable tool: Write down the criticism you received, then make a note of what bothers you about and what seems useful. Writing it down makes the criticism less personal.
Do something nice for yourself
Above all, the most important thing to do when receiving criticism is to do something nice for yourself. It might sound silly, but being open to criticism can wound you. Take a minute to do something nice for yourself. Sometimes treating yourself well can help you better understand what you need to do to improve.
You can’t get better without a map to the places you can improve and the constructive criticism of others can help write the map. It can be a painful process, but it leads to achievement down the road. Growth happens when you seek out the best places to go next.
QUOTES ON CRITICISM WORTH READING
“We need very strong ears to hear ourselves judged frankly, and because there are few who can endure frank criticism without being stung by it, those who venture to criticize us perform a remarkable act of friendship, for to undertake to wound or offend a man for his own good is to have a healthy love for him.”
Michel de Montaigne
“The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”
Norman Vincent Peale
“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
attributed to Aristotle
“Criticism is a privilege that you earn–it shouldn’t be your opening move in an interaction.”
Malcolm Gladwell
“Remember: When people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.”
Neil Gaiman
“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.”
Frank A. Clark
“The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment.”
Elbert Hubbard